Around now is when the holiday logistics overwhelm can kick in. Let’s talk about it!
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Full Transcript
Ep 77. Logistically Overwhelmed by The Holidays? Let’s Talk About It
[Upbeat Intro Music]
Kelly Nolan: Welcome to The Bright Method Podcast where we’ll discuss practical time management strategies designed for the professional working woman. I’m Kelly Nolan, a former patent litigator who now works with women to set up The Bright Method in their lives. The Bright Method is a realistic time management system that helps you manage it all, personally and professionally. Let’s get you falling asleep proud of what you got done today and calm about what’s on tap tomorrow. All right, let’s dig in!
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Kelly Nolan: Hey, hey! All right, so we are heading, now, full throttle into the holiday season right this week, and I just want to dig into today what you can do if you are feeling overwhelmed by all of the logistics that maybe go into this week but also beyond, just the whole holiday season that’s coming up. What do we do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the logistics, or if you feel okay right now and suddenly later feel overwhelmed, you’ll have some of these things to call upon to think about what you might want to do.
Now, taking a step back, we’ve dug into what are the logistics that go into the holidays, basically, from Halloween through Christmas, if you celebrate Christmas. We dug into what logistics go into those things, and we have a podcast episode about it and also, probably more usefully, I have a guide in which it lays out all the things. And so, I’ll link that in the show notes so there’s the guide of all the things that go into the variety of the holidays that are covered in this period of time.
What I want to really talk about today, though, is let’s say you took that guide or you did this on your own, you calendared out all the things that you want to do for the holidays, and you thought it was realistic, but then you calendared it out and that feeling that you’re going for, whatever it is, however you want to feel in the holiday season, whether it’s festive or peaceful or excited or calm. Whatever you’re aiming for, suddenly that feeling is replaced by a little bit of dread or a little bit of just you feel tired when you think about it, and let’s talk about that today. What do we do when that’s happening, whether you feel it right now or maybe you do down the road.
Calendar Your Ideas for The Holiday Season Out and Allow For Adjustment – 2:13
I want to first point out that this reason, this reason of calendaring it and suddenly having that fun feeling zap away is one reason that I actually love calendaring out all of this stuff because when we don’t calendar it out, we have the same ideas of what we’re gonna do, we think they’re realistic, we think it’ll be great, and then we go through the months and live it out in this holiday season, and that feeling we were aiming for is suddenly zapped all along the way, and we’re a little confused as to why, and we just might blame ourselves, blame the holidays, whatever it might be. Whereas if we can figure it out as front of the end as we can — I know that we’re a little close to Thanksgiving, but it’s not too late — if we can figure it out on this front end, then we can adjust so that the rest of the holiday season, even if you’re like, “Thanksgiving is already what it is but the rest of the holiday season I can adjust and take some control over and make it what I want it to be,” then that is a wonderful outcome.
So embrace the feeling, maybe the overwhelmed feeling that comes from calendaring all this out and adjust instead of just muscling through, gritting through, thinking it’s a forgone conclusion you have to do all of these things. Let’s talk about how you adjust.
Now, I also want to point out that this feeling of overwhelm or feeling constricted or like there’s just so much to do might be particularly true this year as a client recently pointed out to me the holiday season is really condensed this year. I believe there are normally, in past years, about five weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, if you celebrate both of those. But this year because of how late Thanksgiving is, there are actually only about three weeks and change of time between the two, and so, things just tend to feel a lot more condensed and tighter than maybe in a normal year it might feel.
And so, just flagging that for you so you can identify where maybe you’ve been able to manage in the past and this year feels particularly tricky, that’s probably why. So all the more reason to talk about when we’re feeling this way, what do we do about it.
Scale Back – 4:25
So one of your options is always to just scale back. Still do the things you’re planning on doing but scale back. And this is part of the reason I wanted this episode to come out the Monday of Thanksgiving is your Thanksgiving plans, let’s pretend you’re really kind of helping quarterback or run the meal itself. If you celebrate Thanksgiving and are having the meal, let’s pretend you came up with a plan you thought was realistic. A couple weeks back you was like, “This is the realistic plan. It’s gonna be great.” And now sitting here on the Monday you’re like, “This is not great.” [Laughs] “This does not feel good. I don’t want to do half the things I signed myself up to do.”
And what I want to just throw out there for you is it’s not too late. You can scale back. You can maybe decide you don’t need as many dishes as you want. You can decide that some of those dishes you were gonna make from scratch actually were gonna get catered by Whole Foods, and you’ll go pick it up. You could decide that you’re gonna bake three pies, and maybe you decide to bake the one that’s the most sentimental to you, and you pick up the other two from a store or a bakery. There are ways to scale back plans down the road, and I just wanted to point that out because I know you know that, but sometimes when we’re in the chaos of things and we feel kind of locked into a plan, and especially when sometimes those plans have sentimental attachments and emotional attachments from other people and all this kind of stuff, we feel a little trapped. And I think that sometimes we overlook the possibility of shifting, and you can still make a lot of it homemade if you still would like to, but you also can do store-bought options in other ways as well.
Also, if you don’t want to do store-bought options, you can reach out to people right now and say, “I really need some help. Do you think you could bring this — take this side off my plate and bring it to the meal?” And just delegate. I would delegate specific things that you need, just to be really clear on that so you don’t end up with, like, 15 sides and no desserts. But that’s probably obvious, but I just wanted to throw that out there. That can really be a great option as well if the store-bought thing isn’t something you want to do.
Eliminate Something Entirely – 6:32
Another option is eliminating something entirely. Now, maybe this isn’t an option when we’re talking about a Thanksgiving meal, although maybe it is. But one thing that comes to mind for me around this time of year are holiday cards. Now, holiday cards are something I have done very much in a variety of ways of scaling back and eliminating.
So, this is kind of funny, but my immediate family, my parents have always done — we actually grew up doing Valentine’s Day cards, which was actually really smart by my mom because she was like, “I don’t want to deal with it during the holidays,” and it’s kind of fun for people to get them on Valentine’s Day, and it just gave her more time, when life was less crazy, to put them together. So props to my mom. That was really smart.
And on those Valentine’s Day cards there was always a little poem about what was going on in our life. So it’d be like, I don’t know, a 5-, to 15-line poem about what was going on with each family member, and I was actually — I don’t know. It’s a really nice way to give an update in a little, fun way without it being a long paragraph thing, which no knock on that, but it’s just kind of a fun way to give a little update.
And so, in past years, I have done the full poem, and it is kind of fun to put together. And in other years, I’ve still done holiday cards but no poem if I’m like, “I don’t have time to do this.” But the tricky part with that I have found is I feel like if there’s no text beyond address and who it’s coming from, then I feel for some reason more pressure to do little handwritten notes on all of the cards, or I used to do the outside of the envelope because that was faster. I could stuff them all and look at the envelope and write little notes on the back of the envelope. But that takes more time. [Laughs] So by skipping the poem, I actually gave myself more work by feeling obliged to write little handwritten notes.
Well, actually one more thing I wanted to say is, so just to be clear, I’ve done holiday cards with a poem, I’ve done them with no poem and handwritten notes, and there have been years where I’ve just been like, “I’m not doing them this year. It’s too much work,” because it is a lot of work, and I’m just like, “I just don’t have time to give to this this year.” So that’s a variety of ways that I have scaled back or eliminated based on what my year has looked like, and it’s really no big deal.
This year, I wanted to throw out there (it does feel like cheating; I’m still getting used to it) but I actually had Chat GPT help me with the poem, and it was actually really impressive. And then I edited it and made it our own. But I will say, probably 70% of it, 80% of it was Chat GPT. [Laughs] I did feel like I was cheating, but it really helped! I got it all done in one night, designing the cards and things like that and even writing the poem and getting it organized, and then during one morning after daylight savings when my kids were up really early and I just put the TV on and I just stuffed all the envelopes as I sat there with them, and it was done, and it was great. Actually I’m waiting for stamps. I have to delay sending them because they’re ready too early, and that was in large part because I used ChatGPT to do this poem. So anyway, just throwing it out there. It was pretty funny.
Outsourcing – 9:35
A final option I wanted to throw out there is outsourcing. So, for example, that was kind of related to, “Hey, I was gonna make this side dish. I can’t anymore. Can you make this side dish,” for someone coming. And I think that if you do this today, as you listen to this on a Monday for a Thursday thing, presuming that the person is not abnormally busy in their life, there might still be time for them to help you out. So that’s an element of outsourcing you can help with.
I do find holiday stuff tricky to outsource, not all of it, by any means. Like, for example, the holiday cards, you could have someone stuff those for you, which is really great. I would just be realistic and honest with yourself about how much work outsourcing something might be or be realistic that you might have to do part of it and then outsource it. So some of these things are hard to fully outsource.
I was talking to someone who was like, “I think I’m just gonna outsource my holiday cards to a house manager,” and while that is awesome in theory, and I get the idea because I had just done it, I was able to be like, “I get it. I don’t think you can just hand off that project without further instruction without getting something back that you’re not gonna be happy with.” And we all know this if you’ve done holiday cards, it’s like do you want it to say, “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” or “Happy New Year’s”? Which pictures do you want it to use? Do you want pictures on the back? What do you want the message to be? How do you want the family name to be written? Do you want it to be like “The Nolan Family,” or do you want it to be all of the family members and ages? There’s just so much little nuance and subjectivity and variety that you can do that that’s one of those things that, just as with anything at work, you’d want to think out ahead of time.
And I share that all to say sometimes I think we’re quick to think outsourcing could solve something, when in reality, it probably would be less time consuming to just do the design of the card, figure that all out, order it — because also with these things you want to see the proofs and understand how much it’s gonna cost, because it always shocks me at the end how much it costs, and I remove the foil and things like that because, “Wow, this is crazy.”
But there’s an element that you almost want to carry the ball to a certain place and then be able to hand it off. And the reason I bring that up now is by realizing that, realizing that you can’t fully delegate something entirely and get it completely off your plate and never have to deal with it again, and by potentially realizing this person, who you might be paying in some scenarios, is gonna spend hours on something that you ultimately won’t be happy with, the right answer this year for you might just be eliminating that thing.
And so, I just wanted to throw that out there that I think scaling back is a great option, I think eliminating is a great option and outsourcing is a great option, but just be honest with what outsourcing might look like and that maybe you only are able to outsource part of it and not fully all of it, and you are tapped out, and you don’t even want to deal with part of it, so you just eliminate the whole project this year, which I also think is a great outcome if that’s what you would like to do.
My main point here is just to offer the option of eliminating and doing less and never thinking that it’s too late or that you’re locked into any plan and just experimenting. I think all of this is an experiment, that we just need to open ourselves up to trying something new, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and you change it for next year. But I just believe in the experimentation of it and not feeling trapped in any tradition just because it’s been done that way so long as long as it’s okay with you.
Protect Time For What Brings You Joy – 13:16
I do want to note, though, something that Dr. Christine Koh of the Edit Your Life podcast mentioned on a recent podcast, I think in the last three or four from this one, and she shared that she also really is intentional about what does she want to do. I think that I, especially with little kids and just how busy life is in this phase of my life, am always kind of banging the drum of, “Do less, do less, do less. You have less time and energy than you think.” And while there is value in that, and I’m not knocking it, I also really love her nudge as a mom of older kids with just a little bit more time freedom than I might have to say in addition to doing less, also really think about the couple of things that bring you joy in that genuine, true way. What is your joyfulness that you find during the holiday season, and also bring that in, protect time for that. And I think those concepts go hand in hand because by eliminating other things, you have the time and energy to do the things you enjoy and really soak them in and enjoy them.
The Making-Memories Trap – 14:19
One thing I wanted to add here, though, is that I encourage you, when you’re thinking of things, to do simple, small, not elaborate things to fit that bill. I think that the less expectations we put on those things and the less hassle we put on them, the more we actually really enjoy them. I’ve talked about this before, but I really believe that we need to beware of the making-memories trap, when people are like, “We’re making memories!” I’m always like, “Eek!” There’s something about that that grates at me, and I think the reason why is that if you’re relying and almost justifying what you’re doing about making memories, to me it’s a little bit of a flag that you might not be enjoying it, like you’re only doing it to make memories not because you actually enjoy doing it.
And so, that’s one flag for me that I’m like, well, don’t do things you’re not enjoying just to make memories because the second point is we can’t decide what memories our kids keep. If it’s gonna be a memory for you, that’s wonderful. But again, we were just presupposing that you weren’t enjoying it, that’s why you’re talking about justifying it by making memories. And also the kids maybe won’t remember that. I mean, I’m sure we did amazing things when I was, like, 12 and I don’t remember them. I mean, I remember being 12. I just mean specific things that my parents probably thought would be memories at 12 probably didn’t register, where those smaller, everyday moments and just the general feeling of being around my parents is what I remember from that period of time.
And so, I just throw that out there. I know that’s a little bit of a tangent. But I think that when it comes to holidays we put a lot of pressure on the sentimentality of it all and things like that, and the making-memories trap can creep into that. And so, as we’re thinking about what do I want to introduce joy, the things that come to mind for me are just smaller things that aren’t a huge, heavy lift, that if they go sideways you’re not gonna be disappointed. I mean, you might be disappointed but it’s not gonna be like, “Oh, my gosh! We just spent all day doing this and prepping for it,” and all this kind of stuff.
So, you know, little things. I think Christine Koh talks a lot about how she’s a big baker and she loves baking with her kids. I am not a talented baker, but I do love making cookies or holiday treats and then letting the kids decorate them with all sorts of things. That is really fun for me. And that’s the type of thing that I could set aside a couple hours in an afternoon and do that, maybe do it one on one with my oldest and do something else with my youngest. I can really think about this, and I need to think about these things. But that level, that smaller-scale thing could be a really nice thing to do that doesn’t add a lot of pressure and, as I said, if it goes sideways I’m not gonna be really upset about things about that.
There are other things, too, that you could do. I’m not the best at thinking of this kind of stuff, but even like watching a holiday movie and having special popcorn and hot cocoa with the kids, or if you don’t have kids, going and driving around and seeing Christmas lights or going to some sort of Christmas fair or the theatre. There are all sorts of things we can do, but they don’t have to be huge things that, again, if they don’t live up to the expectation, we don’t feel resentful that we put a lot of effort into it.
Set Future You Up For Success – 17:34
Now, one final little miscellaneous point is if you do decide to do something because you want to do it, and more so maybe because you feel like you have to do it, and it still feels too tight but you’re gonna keep doing it this year but you’re kind of kicking yourself for not starting doing it earlier, I just want to nudge you to focus less on spending your energy beating yourself up for not starting it earlier, and instead, just solve it for next year. It’s just like, “How do I avoid this next year? How do I start it when I want to do it?”
And so, if you have an example in your mind that you’re like, “I wish I had started this two weeks ago, and I didn’t, and now I’m here,” just think, “Okay, I’m gonna play it out here. I’ve decided to do that. I’m gonna play it out this year, but next year when would I like to have started that?” Calendar for that two weeks earlier or whatever it was, “Start doing this,” and repeat that annually. And now future you gets the benefit of two weeks before you maybe naturally think about doing it, having that reminder to start doing the thing. You can always add notes into that calendar entry of what to do, lessons learned, things like that. It can be really, really valuable. We shouldn’t expect our brains to be alarm clocks and know exactly when to do all the things we want to do, and so, help yourself out, you know? Help you start doing things when you want to do them so that your holiday season is more relaxed, calm, has breathing space so you can make it as enjoyable as you would like to make it.
Recap – 19:06
So just to recap, it is not too late to let some things go. You can scale back. You don’t have to let things go entirely, but you could scale back on parts of it. You can eliminate things entirely. And you can outsource as long as you really think through, “What does outsourcing here look like and will that actually free up the time I want, or should I just eliminate it entirely this year?”
As Dr. Christine Koh said, also make time, if you would like, for the things that bring you joy, and my little nudge is to aim low. It’s kind of like lending money to someone. You have to be okay with never getting it back and never seeing it again, and I think that that’s the same for these types of things where we want to protect time for the joy and make sure it’s not going to devastate you or cause resentment if things go sideways because we can’t always control that. But really thinking about what would bring you joy in a genuine way that you genuinely enjoy and bringing that into your weeks could really make things special even when everything else is maybe not exactly what you would want to be doing or doesn’t feel how you’d want it to feel.
And finally, if you wish you had thought of starting things earlier, just help out future you by bringing that into the calendar, repeating it annually, and future you will avoid that issue going forward.
I hope this was helpful! More importantly, I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving if you celebrate! In the words of my mom, “How do you want to feel at the end of it as you’re driving away?” And keep that in mind as you figure out how you’re going to approach this week and from here on out. Thank you for being here, and I’ll catch you in the next episode!
[Upbeat Outro Music]
