This is definitely not my most articulate, succinct podcast, but I think there’s something here that’s worth sharing – and it’ll continue to evolve. The older I get, the more I see the value of shirking American culture’s “quick results now”/focus on short-term time horizons and focusing on the long game. Let’s talk about it, and I’d love to hear what you think!
A full transcript will appear here within two weeks of the episode being published.
—
To take my free 5-day program, the Reset and Refresh, click here: https://kellynolan.com/reset-refresh.
To learn more about and sign up for the Bright Method 8-week program, click here: https://kellynolan.com/the-bright-method-time-management-course-with-kelly-nolan.
I also share actionable bite-sized time management strategies on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/_kellynolan_/. Come hang out with me there!
Full Transcript
Ep 87. Benefits of a Long-Term Play
[Upbeat Intro Music]
Kelly Nolan: Welcome to The Bright Method Podcast where we’ll discuss practical time management strategies designed for the professional working woman. I’m Kelly Nolan, a former patent litigator who now works with women to set up The Bright Method in their lives. The Bright Method is a realistic time management system that helps you manage it all, personally and professionally. Let’s get you falling asleep proud of what you got done today and calm about what’s on tap tomorrow. All right, let’s dig in!
_________
Kelly Nolan: Hey, hey, and welcome back! All right, so today I want to talk about something that I might ramble on a little bit. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about for a few years, and I can never fully articulate it really well, but we’re still gonna try today. So what I want to talk about is the value of the long-term play, the value of approaching certain things in your life with a longer-term horizon than I think we typically do, at least in American culture.
We Tend to Put Too Much Focus on Quick Wins – 1:02
I think there’s something about American culture where we want results now. We are all about quick wins, overnight successes, all that kind of stuff. And we focus on the short term instead of the long term, and often at the expense of the long term. Some just little examples that come to mind for me are, for example, our fixations on weddings versus the marriage that follows. Like preparing so much for the wedding, spending so much money on the wedding at the expense of really thinking about the long-term marriage of how that works, what that’s gonna look like, the financial implications of that, and maybe saving money for that. These are things I’m guilty of too. I’m not talking about this in a negative way or a judgy way. I think it’s just very American culture.
Another one is birth plans, the fixation on the birth of a child and planning for that relatively short-term experience and not fully investing in how to be a parent, more importantly, to have support in place for you once you are a parent and all that kind of stuff.
Another example is a fixation on the bar exam, which makes sense. I mean, you’re studying for the bar. Of course, we’re fixated on it. But it’s almost like I passed the bar, and that was the end of it, and I didn’t realize I knew nothing about actually lawyering and becoming a lawyer. So that’s just one that sticks in my mind is just this fixation on the event, the short-term thing instead of the actual more meaningful and more important thing that follows on after.
And I see it in time management too. I mean, I get it. We all want the quick win, the life hack, all that kind of stuff, that it’s not as sexy to talk about the long-term system and how to manage it all together in a more sustainable way. A life hack sounds a lot more doable, quicker, faster. And so, we want to do it. It’s really understandable. I do this stuff too, and I didn’t even realize the extent to which I did it until I started seeing and experiencing the benefits of what happens when I focus on more of a long-term play. And it’s harder to do but it’s more valuable. And so, I want to dig into that a bit today so that we can all start adjusting our timelines and reap the benefits that it brings.
I Have a Long-Term View of My Business – 3:18
Now, for me, I first really noticed this in my business, and I don’t know why. I was trying to think about it, thinking about this podcast, and I don’t really know where this long-term view of my business came from. But it came out of, once I’d settled — and to be clear, I bopped around in my business a fair amount. I did a lot of different things for about a year before I settled on time management and working with professional working women. But once I did, once I got to that spot, I had this weird, steady belief in the power of the idea behind this business. I was like, “This is gonna work! It’s gonna take a while, but it’s gonna work. There’s traction here, and I can feel it.” And that was really beneficial because I knew I couldn’t grow my company very fast because I was doing it as a new mom.
I mean, I left law, and five days later we found out we were pregnant with our oldest, which was wonderful, but a bit of a surprise just in the timing of that. [Laughs] And when I was doing my bopping around, that was a lot when I was pregnant, and I had really just landed on time management when I was about to give birth to her. So then I took a big period of time off when I had her, and I came back into this new, real idea of a business with a new baby.
So given that, and given my husband’s job, that is an awesome job but not flexible at all, I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to invest the hours, candidly, that I wanted to into the business in the beginning and even now just because of our life. But I knew, even despite all that, that if I just stuck with it and kept working on it when I could, then I could grow this over time into a solid income for my family because I really, strongly believed in the concept of it.
So I cannot explain how I got there or how I created that long-term view. It just was something that I felt, and it was the first time that I had this really long-term belief in that, or at least that I was aware of in that way, and I will say that the benefits that flowed out of that, it was something that I was like, “Oh, there’s something to this that I need to start incorporating in other areas of my life.”
Now, before I go onto the benefits, I just want to acknowledge that obviously there are financial implications that allowed me to have that long-term view. The fact that I, and then my daughters, could go on my husband’s health insurance and rely on his income in a big part as I build this business is obviously very privileged. And so, that is there, but I also just say that, despite that, that is where I started feeling the power of the long-term play, and not all long-term plays rely on financial privilege, so we’ll dig into some of those as well. I just think it’s important to clarify that.
Same with not wanting to sugarcoat time management, I don’t like sugarcoating business and how quickly you can grow a business, or at least I can. And so, I just like pointing that out. But setting that aside, there still are a lot of benefits that I felt here that were noticeable to me and I think are important to point out.
The Benefits of Long-Term Play – 6:33
First, things don’t always go as planned, as we all know, and there were plenty of things in my business that did not go to plan. And if I had been focused on short-term wins or needing this to be a success immediately, I think I would have thrown in the towel or I would have pivoted too soon. I would have been like, “That doesn’t work! Let’s do something else.” My first program, I had, I think it was, three people sign up but I forced two other people into it. And that’s not a great outcome when you’re starting a business model. But I just believed in the power of it and kept going. I very easily, had I been focused on short-term success, would have been like, “That doesn’t work,” and tried something totally different and would not be where I am today with this program that I love and find so fulfilling.
And so, that was a big one for me that I picked up on it as time was going on. I was like, “That short-term program was not a success, but I still believe in the success of this thing.” And basically, because I took any level of progress as a good sign (like, any success, even getting three people to sign up), then I could focus on just looking for clues on what was working and what wasn’t and refining and refining and refining to the point that, as I record this, I’m about to kick off my 15th program, and I just stay focused on this thing and keep refining it and what’s working and improving and serving people well.
And I say that not to toot my own horn, but more to say that I often think about those sliding-doors moments where you could have gone on in a different direction, and by having this long-term play, it kept me on this track that I really am glad that I’m on. I didn’t get derailed by the little hurdles that would have felt like really big hurdles if I was having that short-term view. But because I was looking more long term, I was like, “Okay, that didn’t go as well as we wanted. How do I fix it to keep us on this track?” And that’s such a valuable thing that’s not natural to me in a lot of other areas. And so, I like pointing it out here because it’s something I’m trying to work on in other areas of life in the ways that we’ll talk about.
One more thing on this that I think is important is that having that long-term view of the company versus wanting short-term success this year, but instead viewing it as this long-term play is that it really helps me not overwork and burnout. And that is such a — I think I’m predisposed to that. Especially when I love doing something, I can really go for it. I could easily overwork a lot more than just my childcare hours in this business. But because I’m really looking at this in that long-term view, it’s really important to me — I’m like this is gonna be my ride for a very long time, and I need to make sure that I’m enjoying it, that it’s sustainable, that it fits everything else in my life. And I think if I was looking more short term, I’d be more apt to burn myself out and also that short term can turn into long term, and so, I would just be spending a lot of time working a lot and bringing myself out and just building something that is not as enjoyable or sustainable as I want it to be.
So this is where I got a taste for the benefits of the long-term play. As with anything, once you start experiencing something you start picking up on it in other areas of life, and there are some other examples that have popped out at me over time that I just think there’s such value in this. There’s such wisdom in it.
Long-Term Postpartum Weight Loss Goals – 10:03
The first is in relation to weight loss. Now, I hope that that’s not, like, triggering for anybody. It’s just that, in the postpartum context, that happens. I gained 45 to 50 pounds with each kid. For me, one thing that I noticed is that in my first pregnancy I realized that I didn’t basically lose any weight until the year mark with my first, and I will say that was very freeing with my second. I was like, “Well, I’m not even gonna try.” But after that year mark, and with my first kid earlier than that, I really wanted to lose the postpartum weight fast, and I don’t think that’s super surprising in our culture. There’s a lot of bounce back and that kind of stuff. I think it’s softened over time. But there’s still — even for myself I wanted to lose the weight.
And so, I was setting these kinds of six-month deadlines to lose all this weight, which looking back is just ridiculous that I thought that that’s what I could do. And I know some people can but not my body. And I recently, in the past I would say maybe four months ago, heard Bailey Walden of Busy Mom Finds Time talk about losing weight over the course of two years is what I think she said. Like, in two years, this is what the goal is. And she was also postpartum and talking about it in that context. And it just stopped me in my tracks. To have a longer-term goal like that to get where you want to be, it just blew my mind, honestly, that in that context we could even — and it’s almost a permission thing — be allowed to set these longer-term goals like that, and how freeing.
And I think I would have benefitted, and I continue to benefit from this approach when it comes to health and one of those things being weight loss is that longer-term goals here, while potentially frustrating under American, winner, quick-win everything, their culture, it’s so much more realistic, and it’s so much more sustainable. And it’s wonderful because, similar to business, when one little thing happens that you “get off track” on whatever you are aiming to do each week for these goals, if you stumble like that over an obstacle, it’s a lot less stressful, and derailing to have that obstacle happen and to not be like, “Well, I’m not on track because I’m aiming for six months,” versus, “Okay, this is a two-year plan. I think in the scheme of two years this one day is gonna be all right, and I can get back on track.”
Similarly, you’re not looking for immediate results, so you don’t let the lack of immediate results, which happens with health and weight loss and all that kind of stuff, you don’t let those things derail you. It’s just a much more gentle and sustainable approach that I think is so much more realistic, likely during and then also after because it’s not so jarring when you’re like, “Okay, I’m done with the six months,” not that, I don’t know if I ever even got to the end of the six months like that, but we hold ourselves to that, and then we just — it’s so pendulum-y in an unhealthy way when you’re trying to do anything so short-term that’s so drastic. And then when you take these longer-term views, it’s much more of a lifestyle, sustainable change that you can make over time that’s more gentle and realistic.
Long-Term Play with Partnership Goals – 13:22
Another shorter example that I noticed in my own life when I was dating — and looking back I noticed this. It wasn’t one of those things that I was aware of in the moment — was the difference of when you’re dating and really wanting to be married and partnered up with someone, if that’s you. Not that it should be anyone. But if it is you, not that it should be anyone, but if it is you, the different goals — just even imagine having the different goals of, “I want to be married in two years,” versus, “I want to be in a really happy, solid marriage in 20 years,” and just the difference of what that would do to who you date, what you put up with, what you’re looking for, all of that. And that’s what I think is so interesting here is that sometimes the fixation on the short term can really undercut the long term, and by focusing on the long term, it can be a little more frustrating, but you can make healthier decisions in a lot of this. I think there’s real power in that.
Long-Term Play When Parenting – 14:22
Another time that I’ve seen it pop up is in the parenting context. I believe it was Catherine Brown of The Cabro on Instagram who was talking about the power of the long-term play with parenting. And I’m not even sure if this is what she meant, but this is what I heard of just, like, the real long-term play with parenting is really, in addition to helping your kids develop skills and things like that, is the relationship that you have with them. That’s really the most important long-term throughline of parenting is having a solid relationship with your child. And I don’t mean bending over backwards so you’re pals all the time and they love you, because that would involve a lot of chocolate in my household. But having that trusted, warm (usually warm, sometimes firm), solid relationship with someone, with your child, is the real, ultimate long-term play, like the ultimate goal of this long-term play. And that really helps me in the day-to-day side of things.
Right now, I’m in the depths of a very long experience with potty training, and there’s a lot of frustration there, and I can get in my head about it, and I’m like, “This is not going anywhere!” And I can get angry, and I can let that impact my relationship with my daughter, or I can look at this in the long term and think, “You know, in a year this isn’t gonna be an issue at all,” hopefully. At this rate, we don’t know, but maybe. [Laughs] Let’s say, at least in two years, this is not gonna be an issue anymore, but what I do want to come out of this is a solid relationship with my child, and that can help me, in those moments, redirect my feelings into what really is important here. And then in a couple years, I’ll probably miss that potty training was my issue and want to go back to that, so there’s that too!
Shifting Into Long-Term Play – 16:11
I just share these things because I think there’s something to this. There’s something to when we fixate on the short term, can we catch ourselves in those moments and start shifting into what’s actually a long-term goal here? Because, as I’ve mentioned, there really is beauty in this. I find that it keeps me more patient and persistent when it comes to my goals. It can be more persistent because I’m not so defeated or derailed by the curveballs. Similarly, it keeps you open to overcoming hurdles or a lack of progress because you’re not as worried about getting there tomorrow. You just need to get closer. You need to be going in the right direction to get there closer over time.
I also find that it really helps with a willingness to experiment and see how it goes. I think probably because we’re not so stressed about getting there so fast. When we loosen our grip on it a little bit, we’re more willing to and able to think creatively and outside of the box on ways to get there. Also knowing that if it goes sideways, again, not the end of the world. We’ll just course correct, and we’ll get there eventually. I find that I’m much less tempted to make gut-reaction, quick decisions or changes to things or stop doing something. Instead, I can give it time to play out. I learn. I adjust. I refine and then, again, see how those results play out and continue from there.
On the whole, it’s a lot less stressful, I would say. It’s a much more calm approach, and similar to that, the path between where we are now and where we want to go is much more enjoyable because it’s more important to you that it is enjoyable because you know you’re gonna be on it for a while. [Laughs] So you can’t just white-knuckle it down this path in the way that we do sometimes with short-term things because we know we’re gonna be on it for a while, so it needs to be a sustainable thing.
Along these lines, I also think it helps me prioritize the actually important things over those short-term gratification things, and it also helped me prioritize other parts of my life. Again, because I’m not willing to sacrifice everything for a long period of time in the same way that I might during a short period of time. So again, that goes to kind of the sustainability, but I think that’s really important when we’re thinking about what we want our overall lives to feel like. We still want to pursue goals. We still want to pursue certain things. But when we can view it more long term, then we’re able to maintain the rest of our life in a way that we don’t when we’re so focused on the short term.
The Practical Side of Shifting Your Mindset to Long-Term Play – 18:46
So turning to the practical, because I know this was a little bit out there, is that, you know, I mean, part of it’s a mindset shift. I don’t know how practical that is. What I try and do is when I catch myself feeling that antsy feeling about hitting a short-term goal, obviously there are short-term goals we have to hit. We all have deadlines. We all have things like that. That’s not necessarily what I’m talking about. But those larger goals that you want in your career, your career trajectory, promotion, things in your personal life, personal goals, family relationships, all that kind of stuff, if you catch yourself rushing with it, taking a step back and being like, “Is there even a deadline that I need to hit here?” And maybe I can extend that if it is.
And along those lines is you’re viewing kind of any of these goals on your plate. Whether it’s a resolution-type thing as we’ve talked about recently, or something that’s just broader and just there for you, is if I’m kind of thinking about this, even if you haven’t explicitly said, “I want this in six months,” if you’re operating as if you want something in six months, what would it look like if it were a two-year goal? What would that change if that was the goal? Or if it’s more like a one-year goal, what if it was extended into a three-, four-, five-year goal? What would that do? Turning that a little bit, if you were making more, like, three-year work goals instead of one-year goals, what would look differently there?
I just think it’s a really interesting exercise. I know that, again, this might be a little too in my head still and not as articulated as well, but there’s something there. There’s something there that I wanted to get out there just to hear what people think. I would love to hear what you think even if it’s like, “What?” [Laughs] But my guess is that there are people who know what I’m talking about.
And if you’ve started seeing the power in more long-term planning, goal setting, more just, like, timelines as you approach certain things, I would love to hear about it! I would love to hear what you think about it. If it squares with my experience or differs, I would really love to hear about it.
All right, thanks for sticking with me! I hope you found this interesting. And as we wrap things up, I’m actually gonna take you in a totally different direction and just plug. I realize I hadn’t shared it here. I’ve shared it in my newsletter, and I’ve shared it on Instagram, so you might have seen it in one of those places. But I finally cobbled together all of the action steps that I take when I’m going on a personal trip with my kids or my family or even just myself, all the things that I calendar to make that happen, and I put it together in a checklist. You can just copy and paste it and then personalize it and make it your own and then use it for when you travel.
So if you are interested in that, I’ll put a link in the show notes! You also can just DM me the word on Instagram “travelchecklist,” one word, and my robo assistant will send you the link to get signed up for that. But it’s really fun! I mean, take it or leave it. I just find it really useful, and I hope you do too!
All right, thanks for being here, I so appreciate it, and I will catch you in the next episode!
[Upbeat Outro Music]
