Often, women I work with or talk to online share that, while they want to use the Bright Method, they resist implementation because of, what I can see, two buckets of very understandable reasons:
- They want to understand what the end result looks like before they start and they can’t see it right now, and/or
- They know on some level that they have too much work for their available capacity, and there’s part of them that doesn’t want to really see it and the have to make tough calls and have tough conversations to deal with it.
Both make total sense. So, let’s talk about them more.
Resources mentioned:
- Episode on calendaring your current reality first – and then calendaring in the more aspirational things you’re trying to do: Episode 25 (one of my favorites!)
- “How I Structure My Day” series on Instagram
A full transcript will appear here within two weeks of the episode being published.
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Full Transcript
Ep 89. When You Feel Resistance to Calendaring Your Activities, Projects, etc.
[Upbeat Intro Music]
Kelly Nolan: Welcome to The Bright Method Podcast where we’ll discuss practical time management strategies designed for the professional working woman. I’m Kelly Nolan, a former patent litigator who now works with women to set up The Bright Method in their lives. The Bright Method is a realistic time management system that helps you manage it all, personally and professionally. Let’s get you falling asleep proud of what you got done today and calm about what’s on tap tomorrow. All right, let’s dig in!
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Kelly Nolan: Hey, hey! All right, so today I want to talk about something that happens with some of the women I work with or talk to just in email or on Instagram, and that is that there’s been a decision to try out The Bright Method. There’s been a decision to even go for it and enroll in a program, and there is still some hesitation at some point in the process about actually implementing or starting to add things to the calendar. And the more I do this, I’ve kind of seen it in two pots, like two categories, that I think are worth talking about today because I think they’re really understandable. I think they’re pretty common, and I think that we can kind of catch them and address them if we understand what’s going on.
Two Categories to Resistance to Implementing – 1:17
The two camps are this, the two pots. The first is more of maybe a perfectionism thing where there’s this desire to understand what the end result is going to look like, the end schedule is going to look like, before they start building things out in the calendar. There’s almost like (I do worksheets and things like that), “I’m gonna get clear on all the things that I need to calendar, but I need to understand how they’re all gonna come together in the calendar before I even start putting things in the calendar.” So that’s the first pot.
And the second pot is there’s almost a fear or overwhelm of confronting the reality of how much work, at both work and just general life, is on our plates. And I think understanding that there are gonna be some, maybe, tough decisions on the other side of that realization that are hard to play out.
I think both of these things make a ton of sense and are really, really understandable. And again, not everybody. I would say — I don’t really know what the breakdown is. I don’t think it’s everybody, by any means, but there are some people where those are two common things that I see happen, and they can happen at different parts of the program too, like different parts of implementation.
I think they’re worth talking about because having the awareness of, “Yeah, maybe that’s what’s going on,” I just think generally self-awareness alone sometimes can solve an issue. I’ve talked about this, but sometimes when I get overwhelmed by work of life, I’ll jump on social media. So if something I have to do is hard or daunting or I don’t want to do it, suddenly I’ll just go to social media instead because it’s an easier place to be for my brain, and just having the awareness of, “Oh, yeah, I’m doing that thing,” helps me not do it. Same thing here. My hope is just by talking about these things you might be able to catch yourself when you’re leaning towards that and be able to help direct yourself back to where you want to go.
Wanting to Know the End Result – 3:16
So let’s dig first into kind of this I don’t know if it’s a perfectionism thing. It’s just more like, “I need to understand how it’s all gonna come together before I even start. I want to understand what the end result is gonna be before I even start.” And I get it in the sense that building this stuff out takes a while. It can be a massive change of how you’re managing your time, and you want to know it’s gonna work. You want to know that the end result is gonna work from you from the standpoint of, “I want to understand that the schedule’s gonna all come together in a way that works well for me, and I want to understand what that’s going to look like in my calendar so that as I start building things out, I can put them in the right places right away.”
I also think it makes sense for the type of woman that I am and that I tend to work with that it’s like, “I want to do it right, and I want to do it right the first time because that’s more efficient.” And I get it. I get it. I’m not at all judging it because if there’s any judgment it’s self-judgment here as well.
The thing I want you to hear, though, that’s both frustrating but also freeing is that I just don’t think that’s possible. Let’s even set aside that there is a perfect schedule, because we can debate that for a while, the perfect schedule for you. We can talk about how I don’t think there is one way to get to happy. I think there are lots of different schedules that could work for you. I think that we also don’t want to overthink it and spend too much time on it because your schedule’s gonna change in six months, three months, whatever it is. And so, you don’t want to put too much time into creating this masterpiece schedule that then will just shift on you in three months. But obviously we’re doing all of this to get closer to the end result that we want. To me, the end result is the feeling I want you to have and obviously that means that your calendar has to reflect your reality in a way that gets you closer to that feeling.
So setting aside whether there’s a perfect end result, there is a result that we’re moving towards, and how do we get there. What I want you to hear is that I’m a big believer that, yes, we need to take a step back, look up, look at the big picture, understand all that we’re doing, understand how we want to have it all come together and think it will all come together. But I’m trying to almost think of a graph where the x-axis is the amount of time you spend thinking about all of that, and we almost think sometimes the more time we sit there thinking about and planning all of this out even before we start adding it to a calendar but really kind of plotting it all out, or even once we start adding it to the calendar, just spending so, so much time finding the perfect way for it all to come together, I think that a couple hours, the line of how intentional we get closer to a more effective schedule and a schedule that gets us closer to where we want to be, that line does go up.
But at a certain point, it just starts plateauing, and you’re not going to get closer to actually where you want. I’m probably explaining this terribly. But if I think of a chart with an x-axis as the amount of time you just spend thinking and planning versus the y-axis of getting closer to the, for lack of a better word, right schedule for you, and by right schedule I just mean a schedule that’s getting you closer to feeling the way you want to feel, that line goes up with a few hours into it. But at a certain point, it starts plateauing. And to get that line to continue going up and getting closer to the schedule you want, you’ve got to start taking action.
Start Taking Action – 6:51
And by action here I mean, one, actually starting to calendar out all the things you intend to do in your schedule and just having that check that a digital calendar gives you of, “Does all of this fit?” Does all of it fit in the calendar in the way that you want? And then also living out the plan and seeing if it works because, very quickly, when you start planning out some of this stuff you’re like, “Well, that stuff takes longer than I thought it did. Ope, I forgot about this thing that I have to do and need to make sure that’s in there. I didn’t realize that my personal life interacted with my work life in this way, and that’s why it’s always a scramble in the mornings or in the evenings.” You just discover a whole lot of stuff when you start playing it out in a different way than you do before you use the calendar in this way.
I think before you use the calendar in this way, you almost assume it should work and that it’s not working because it’s something you did, where when you plot it out in the calendar and see it, you have this ability to be more aware of what’s working and what’s not working. So almost like your intentionality or observation goes up and ability to identify what the issues are, and that taking action is then how you can kind of go back to the calendar and adjust, add something in, increase the amount of times something takes, decide you do that at a different time of day to make it work, whatever it is. There is a cyclical thing going on here where you want to spend the hours planning and understanding, but then you need to take action and then revise the calendar, take action, and then revise the calendar, and that cyclical action will actually get you closer to that schedule that’s gonna help you feel the way you want to feel because it actually reflects your reality and it also helps you make adjustments to get you closer to that place that you want to be.
A lot of this comes down to the fact that a lot of us have never tied our activities and tasks to time in this way before. So you don’t really have clear awareness of where your time is going until you start doing this. I’m using a little bit of a general “you” here. You might feel differently than that. But that’s often where it’s coming from, where people are not used to really identifying how long things take them, how it interacts with everything else, how personal life interacts with work life, interacts with family life, all of that in a more objective, visual way. And that’s very understandable. We weren’t taught to do that, so it’s very understandable. But don’t think that you really understand it. Because you haven’t done it before, don’t expect to be a pro at it.
And so, don’t think that you’re accurately understanding where your time is going when you first calendar everything out and it’s your first iteration. Be open to the fact that you’re gonna learn a lot. You’re gonna plot it all out in your calendar, which is an awesome first step of taking action and sometimes hard to do in and of itself. And then you’re gonna learn a lot as you play it out because it’s the first time you’re learning this stuff, and that’s totally fine. It’s just maybe a little frustrating because you want it to be solved quickly. But I don’t see a way around going through that learning process. I think that learning process is what’s required to actually identify the real problems.
I’ve talked about that in a prior episode about calendaring your current reality versus what you want your reality to look like, the aspirational. And I’ll put that in the show notes as well. But it relates here. You need to calendar it all out and start playing it all out to really understand what the problems are. Are you underestimating how long things take? Are you just trying to do way too many things in the morning? Is that the wrong time to take a shower? Would showering in the evenings really relieve your mornings? All of that, when you start playing it out and seeing it where maybe you’ve tripped up in your plans that explain some of the issues going on in your realities, that’s powerful because then you identify the actual problems and can solve for them.
And I talk about that a lot. Often when you do this, it starts becoming very clear that you have a workload problem, but it’s not a you problem, as a client has said. She said, “I realize I have a workload problem but it’s not a me problem,” and that’s critical because then you can problem-solve the right problem. If you’re just trying to fix yourself and just work harder and be more disciplined and all that kind of stuff, but you have an impossible amount of work, you’re solving the wrong problem. And by doing what we’re talking about, first, laying out the calendar and then living it out and being open to understanding where you’ve tripped up in your calendar and that’s why your life feels the way it does right now, then you can actually solve the trip ups and get your life feeling in a way that you want it to feel because taking action is really where that magic happens. I just don’t think we can outthink — we can’t spend so many hours thinking and get to the same place if we don’t take action.
I really think it’s kind of like business or careers or anything. I think you just have to take action to learn in life. I feel like coming out of law school, I knew a lot. I didn’t know how to be a lawyer still. You know, the example I always think of that was a day one pain point for me is I’d taken solo procedure in law school. I’d learned all these rules. You get a filing, and you have to respond to it, this motion in this many days. And I go to sit down to do that, my very first day probably of practicing law, and I was like, “How do I count the days? Do I count today? Do I count the weekends? Do I count this holiday? Do I not count that holiday?” And the practical component of applying knowledge is when you really learn because you realize the limitations of your own knowledge without having taken action first or when you haven’t taken action first.
And same here. You know, another example is business, I should say before I keep going. I could sit and think and think and think about what I wanted to do with my business, and I did. I thought, “Okay, I’m gonna be a home organizer. I’m gonna take all these classes. I’m gonna do all this stuff,” and then I actually started doing it, and I’m like, “I’m not good at this! I’m not good at this.” And then I could pivot and figure out what I wanted to do. And I ended up where I am now, and I love it. But had I not started and not started taking action, you just don’t learn things in the same way.
And so, I just want to encourage that. I think we just have to take action and that action when it comes to time management is an absolute necessity to get you closer to the end result that you’re looking for. Don’t spend 10, 15 hours building out the personal side of your life and then thinking that now you’ve solved it and that’ll be good. I would spend two or three hours, maybe four or five hours building out the personal side of your life, and then play it out. And you’re gonna spend a couple more hours over time tinkering with it. But that’s okay because then you’ll also have the muscle of understanding what’s working and what’s not working. When life shifts in six months, you’ll be better equipped to shift with it, to know what to do with your schedule to adapt you into that spot.
Digital Planners are Modifiable – 14:09
The other thing I want to mention here is that this is also where a digital calendar really shines. I understand, especially because I used paper planners through law school, that with a paper planner you really do want to kind of know — wait until the plans are really solid and you know what’s happening before you start writing things out because changing things in a paper planner can be hard. I don’t know, if you’re like me, you want it to look nice. And so, to have a lot of cross outs and things like that, it’s just frustrating. So you almost wait until you know what the plans definitely are before you put it in the calendar.
With a digital calendar, sure, it takes time, and I’m not dismissing that, and you want to obviously — there’s a desire to make sure what you’re putting in the calendar is right before you put it in, just from a how-much-time-you’re-investing standpoint. But don’t put the same pressure on yourself.
Let’s just use that shower example I just raised. Let’s pretend you’re like, “I shower at 6 o’clock every day, and it takes me 20 minutes.” And then you start planning it out, and you realize showering and getting ready actually does not take you 20 minutes. It takes you 40 minutes. And you’re like, “That really jeopardizes my morning and explains why my mornings have been so crazy. And now I want to move it to the night before. I want to try that out. I just want to try it out. For two months, we’re gonna shower the night before and see how that works.” You just drag, move it, and then save it going forward, and now it’s in a different spot. That’s a beautiful part of a digital calendar.
And so, I share that just to say don’t be too precious. You don’t need to understand everything perfectly before you put it in your calendar because the digital calendar can make it so much easier to adapt things, change it to a different time, move it by ten minutes, realize it takes you 40 minutes (not 30), extend the amount of time it takes, and save it going forward. You can adjust things so easily, so let that be freeing for you.
This all truly, truly is all an experiment. There are so many times I work with a client that I’m like, “Yeah, why don’t we try that out for a month. Why don’t we try that out for two months? Make sure you try it for a solid two months, so you really understand if it really does work or maybe it’s just uncomfortable in the beginning. Try it out. Let’s see how it goes.” This is all an experiment and iterations and playing with it, and that might be frustrating for some people to hear, but I hope it’s freeing.
I really find it very freeing to know that I can shift things. I’m never locking myself into anything. I can move things around and adjust, and that feels really, really good. So I hope it feels good for you too. And if you have any pushback on it, definitely just reach out because I do love thinking about this stuff. I love understanding where people’s hang-ups are around this stuff and kind of helping improve my own messaging and education around it and addressing something maybe I haven’t even thought of before.
Overwhelm of Having Too Much on Your Plate – 16:58
Okay, turning to the second point here, which is the kind of fear or overwhelm of you kind of know you have too much on your plate, and you know that if you lay it all out, you’re gonna have to really confront it, and that’s understandably really scary and tiring and overwhelming to think about.
I was talking about this on a recent call, and it comes up a lot. We’re at the part of the program right now where we’ve calendared out most of the personal life, a lot of the repetitive work things, gotten a little bit more clear on focus time and meetings and email and Slack and all that kind of stuff. And now we’re turning to the actual one-off projects, the one-off to-dos, the big projects you have on your plate, the small tasks you have on your plate, all those kinds of one-off things. And for a lot of people there’s a real hesitation because there’s such an overwhelming amount of things, and by this point in the program, it’s pretty clear on time is pretty limited. The amount of time I have to give to one-off things at work is pretty limited, and so, I know that my capacity for those one-off things and the actual workload, they don’t fit. And I know that to make them fit, there are gonna be a lot of tough decisions and potentially some tough conversations that have to happen, and I don’t want to do it. And I get it. That makes a ton, a ton of sense.
And I shared this on the call, but I don’t know why, but often those women that express that to me are some of the ones with the greatest outcomes. Just give it two months, and people really — a weight lifts because that place where they were, the feelings they’re expressing of, “This is too overwhelming,” those feelings are not a great place to be. There’s a lot of discomfort in that, and when you can get to the other side where you confront the reality, one, sometimes it’s not as bad as we thought. But also, you’re already feeling the discomfort, so taking action to alleviate it feels really good. I don’t know why that happens, but I would almost say the women who express that get such great results that that’s kind of fun.
The other thing, I guess going back to that point, is really being clear that ignorance when it comes to time management is not bliss. Living with a little bit hand over the eyes, averting the eyes, of how much work there is and just kind of hoping and praying it gets done because it has gotten done, it might not feel good, but it has gotten done in the past, it’s not a fun feeling. And I think that sometimes we think, “Well, I don’t want to do that because what I’m doing right now is better.” And I would just say it’s that, I feel like we’ve all heard it, the it’s not a comfort zone thing. You’re not comfortable there, but it’s familiar, and that pain is familiar, so you’ll keep that, versus going through the pain of getting to the other side. And I just really believe that ignorance, when it comes to time management, is not bliss and that we do want to confront it so that we can actually solve the root causes of what’s causing our anxiety and stress and overwhelm.
I was listening to a podcast the other day, and I’m gonna butcher it, and I can’t remember what podcast it was on. But this woman was sharing the fable of — and this is probably true in real life, but it’s a good fable and a good thing to keep in mind. You have a bull and a cow, and there’s a storm approaching. And the cow kind of freaks out and runs away or lays down and because of that approach is either in the storm longer or just in the storm for a long period of time because they run with the storm almost or lay down and just have the storm pummel them for a long time. Where the bull runs at the storm and actually spends less time because it’s basically running straight into the storm and through it and gets to the other side.
And I think sometimes when it comes to time management, even when it’s scary, we have to take that bull approach and really just run at the issue and run through it because getting to the other side is really where we want to be. That’s where we want to be. We don’t want to be lying down in the storm or running with the storm, kind of running away from it but never escaping it. We want to run through it and get to the other side.
So I hope that this helps. If you’ve caught yourself hesitating, whether it’s from kind of more of that perfectionism element or more of that fear and overwhelm element or maybe a combination of both, I really think more than any practical advice I can give is just having the awareness of what’s going on and being able to figure out how to talk your way around it and whether you use the bull analogy or really understand that you can’t overthink yourself into a great schedule, the action really is required to get you there, however you want to approach it. However you want to talk to yourself through those things is really valuable, and I would really just remind you that it’s an experiment. You can take your time with it. You can play with it. You can adjust it. You will play with it and adjust it and get it closer to where you want to be and then adjust when life happens, and there’s a lot of freedom in that and just allowing you to just start.
So I hope that that helps! Let me know what you think on it. I think it’s a really important thing to realize. I think we can all catch ourselves in that, whether it’s time management or something else. These things all probably crop up for us in other areas of our life and having the awareness around our tendency to do, maybe, some of these things can be really powerful to help us just redirect.
The How I Structure My Day Series – 22:34
All right, so segue. I’m taking you somewhere else. A couple weeks ago on Instagram, I shared this post on how I structure my work-from-home days. And it was really fun! I try to share things that would be relevant to everybody even if they don’t run a business and work from home like I do. But still, I totally get that it doesn’t reflect the life of most of the women I work with. And someone in the comments was like, “Hey! It’d be really nice to see something like this for women who have jobs more like mine,” which is totally valid. And it was such a great idea.
And so, what I did is I created this form that basically was helping people think through their day and write out their days, and I sent it to my clients and was like, “If you want to do this, only if it’s fun, fill this out. Totally ignore it if you don’t want to do it.” And I got a lot of responses really quickly, and I’ve started sharing this. I call it the How I Structure My Day Series. I started sharing them on Thursdays on Instagram.
So if you don’t follow me there, just feel free to start following me if you want! And every Thursday I share how I structure my day anonymously from someone who wanted to share about their day. So far I believe we have a data privacy specialist, an associate dean at a medical school, and a chief of staff of a tech company. And my goal is, over time, to share days of women who work across a ton of different industries, who have kids and don’t have kids, who have a partner and don’t have partners, who have family nearby and don’t have family nearby, and I’m just trying to get as much variety as I can. And so, my goal is to publish them every Thursday, and it’s a fun way to just kind of get a peek into how other people are living their lives. There’s also a section on just, “Do you have anything else you want to share,” and there have been some fun shares there as well.
So check it out if you want! I’ll put my Instagram link thing in the show notes if you want to start following me there and see those every Thursday, and they’ve been really enjoyable! And if you want to contribute, there will be a link to do that as well.
Well, more importantly, thank you for being here. Thanks for hanging out, and I’ll catch you in the next episode!
[Upbeat Outro Music]
