An Example of Saying No When You Want to Say Yes

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Saying no is rarely easy — especially when the opportunity is something you really want to say yes to. In this episode, I share a personal example of when I turned down a big media opportunity that landed right in the middle of my family’s annual Colorado trip.

On paper, I was technically available. My husband could’ve watched the kids, my calendar was clear, and the opportunity would’ve been great for my business. But in practice? Saying yes would have derailed my ability to truly unplug, be present with my family, and recharge.

In this episode, I walk you through:

• The ripple effects of saying yes — from prep time and tech checks to energy recovery afterward.
• Why the pause is the most powerful tool when you’re tempted to say yes too quickly.
• How to evaluate the true cost of opportunities beyond the calendar block they appear to take.
• The difference between scarcity thinking (“this may never come again”) and embracing a more abundance mindset (even if a little woo).
• Why protecting vacation time, family time, and rest can sometimes matter more than visibility opportunities.
• How saying no doesn’t just protect you — it also builds strength, clarity, and integrity.

I also share how I reframed the “no” by connecting the opportunity with another woman in my field. It reminded me that collaboration, generosity, and boundaries can all exist together.

If you ever feel guilty or second-guess yourself when saying no — especially to exciting opportunities — this episode might help you see the full picture and feel more confident in your decision-making.

Check out my free 5-day time blocking program at kellynolan.com/refresh to practice visually mapping out ripple effects before you commit. And if you’re ready to go deeper, enrollment for the Bright Method 10-week program opens October 3rd. More info on both below.

Below is a transcript of the episode. Enjoy!

Other links you might enjoy:

✨ The full Bright Method™️ program If you’re ready for a full time management system that’s realistic, sustainable, and dare I say… fun, check out the Bright Method program. It’s helped hundreds of professional women take back control of their time—and their peace of mind.

🌿 Free 5-Day Time Management Program Get five short, practical video lessons packed with realistic strategies to help you manage your personal and professional life with more clarity and calm.

📱 Follow me on Instagram Get bite-sized, real-life time management tips for working women—like reminders to set mail holds before travel, anonymous day-in-the-life calendars from other professional women, and behind-the-scenes looks at how I manage my own time.

Full transcript:

Kelly Nolan: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Bright Method Podcast, where we’ll discuss practical time management strategies designed for the professional working woman. I’m Kelly Nolan, a former patent litigator who now works with women to set up the bright method in their lives. The Bright Method is a realistic time management system that helps you manage it all personally and professionally. Let’s get you falling asleep, proud of what you got done today, and calm about what’s on tap tomorrow. All right, let’s dig in.

Hey. Hey, and welcome back. Alright. If you were like me. It is very interesting and sometimes helpful to hear examples about what other people are saying no to. And also just like kind of get a behind the scenes look at why people say no to things, how they think about it, how they say no, all that kind of stuff.

And I’ve covered an example of saying no before an episode 50, which was more of a. Not a one-off decision, more of like an ongoing decision in my [00:01:00] business to stop doing corporate speaking and speaking to other organizations and entities as part of my business. And I really dug in, in that episode to the factors I thought about and all that kind of stuff.

So I think it’s helpful if you haven’t listened to that, I would check that out. But I also thought it was helpful to maybe do another example of a one-off. No, like a one-off invite for a. Small thing that’s more bite-sized that I’m still deciding to say no to. And I also thought it was helpful to hear because it’s something that I really wanted to do.

It is like a yes from a emotional and like I really am interest, like I’m interested in doing this standpoint, but it was still a no. And I wanna talk about that today so that, I don’t know, maybe we can get the wheels trained for you. Who knows? Hope it’s helpful. So here we go. So a few weeks ago I was gearing up to join my family and like take the family to Colorado.

Now we go to Colorado for a little over a [00:02:00] week every August, and by every August, I mean we’ve done this for the past three years. We hope to continue doing it. And it’s a really special time because my husband takes the whole time off. The girls are there with us, we do it ’cause it’s a kind of August thing where there’s, it’s harder to find childcare and a lot of camps closed down and things like that.

So it makes sense. We don’t have childcare anyway. Let’s go somewhere fun. And sometimes we’re joined by other family and sometimes we’re joined by friends. But it’s really a special family time, first and foremost for me. And last year was the first year I really took a step back from work during that whole period of time.

So not only was I not on email as much and helping clients, but I also took a mini hiatus. I, it’s not a dramatic thing. A mini hiatus on Instagram and on email, like email newsletter type stuff and just all kind of, oh, I think the podcast maybe just, I really tried basically to take a step back from anything at [00:03:00] work that I could, and it felt awesome.

And so I was doing that again this year. I worked really hard not to have Instagram, not to have just basically anything substack all of it. And it was really important to me that I have that time, not just to recharge and reset and take a break, which I think is really good for any of us from social media.

Like all of that is really awesome too, because that’s another thing. Not only am I just not posting on Instagram, I deleted the app for the whole time. I checked in on my computer, like I think once every other day to make sure nothing was on fire. But beyond that, I also wasn’t even on Instagram during that time, or social media or things like that.

And so that’s kind of the scene that was happening is I was just really gearing up for this trip. My husband was driving that Friday, so I was like getting everything packed up for that. And then I was flying with the girls on Saturday and he picked us up in Denver and then we drove into the mountains.

Wednesday I get an email with this big opportunity. It was an in [00:04:00] studio interview right in the middle of the trip, which in some ways was really nice ’cause I don’t think I would’ve changed the trip anyway, but it was like smack in the middle of it. Obviously I’m not gonna come back to Minneapolis for an in-person interview type thing in that moment.

So while I was bummed and I offered other dates, you know, I said I unfortunately I’m outta town, but here are like five other dates I can do. It was a pretty easy call, right? Like it’s, that was easy to say no to. I couldn’t do it. Bummer. But relatively easy in the scheme of things. The next day they came back and said, would you be open to doing it remotely over Zoom?

And I gotta say I was halfway through my like, yep, yep. Happy to be there. Happy to do it. ’cause this is a big opportunity. It would be big media for me. Like happy to do it remotely. Yes. And for some reason, thankfully I just paused in the middle of that email. I mean, I was like in my bedroom just typing on my phone like, yes, yes, yes, I can do this.

And like just so rapidly before. My brain had even caught up to what I was doing just ’cause of the [00:05:00] enthusiasm behind it. Like it’s a big opportunity. I wanted to say yes, and I will say my calendar was technically clear during that time. I didn’t have anything to do. My husband could watch the kids like it.

I was definitely able to do it, but again, I just paused and I. Do I really want to do this? I just remember that thought going through my head and I just was like, just put the phone away for now. I didn’t even make a decision one way or the other. I was like, just don’t say yes right now. I thought about it on a walk later that day.

I tried to talk to my husband. He was working though, so that didn’t work. I talked to a friend about it and I actually had left her a message about it and actually made my decision before she wrote back. But even just talking it out to a friend is really helpful, even if you’re just like leaving them a message.

And what I realized in that pause, like of not responding right away, was that there were a lot of ripple effects that this would create. Like, obviously it would be the [00:06:00] time that I would be on the call. Yes. But it would also be at least half an hour before making sure, you know, the internet was good, the tech was good, the lighting was good, the background looked okay.

I looked okay, showering and getting ready that morning doing makeup, all that kind of stuff. There was also gonna be the fact that I would probably be really tired after it for a period of time. So there was that. There was also the fact that I’d have to prep for it, which means that probably for 45 minutes before that half hour, I would be talking things out, and previous days I’d also be thinking about how I would phrase things and just getting into the right headspace about it.

I’d also have those like concerning feelings, you know, like is the wifi gonna be good? This isn’t my normal wifi, is it gonna work? Is my husband ready to take the kids out? Will they leave on time? Will they leave? Okay. Are they gonna be all right? Not being in the house for that period of time? I, that’s not a massive concern, but it’s there.

I’m just being realistic about where my head’s gonna be at. I’d probably miss out on a [00:07:00] family hike, even if they didn’t go hiking. That morning would be kind of a wash in terms of what we could do as in a family for that activity. Again, that’d be fine, but we’re out in Colorado. That’s like a big reason to be out there is to enjoy the nature and even if they had a blast, like going to get breakfast somewhere and at a playground, you know, it’s not necessarily why we were there and what I love to do while we’re out there, it also.

Would land, you know, it was smack in the middle of the week, which would fragment up the whole trip. And I don’t know if that my decision would’ve changed, but the fact that I would’ve been in vacation mode and had to get out of vacation mode and then get back into it, that’s just something to think about versus like right when we get there, just getting outta the way I, I don’t know if it would’ve changed my opinion, but it was obviously a big factor.

And on the whole, like the bigger impact is that I just would not. Be able to truly check out of work and be present in the [00:08:00] current reality and be present with my kids and my family and with myself and the way that I wanted to be. In addition, and this is like a bit of an aside, again, I don’t know how big of a factor it had, but you know, in addition to like the opportunity exposure.

People hearing about me, all that kind of stuff. A big part of the fun of that opportunity is going in studio and like being in studio. And if I’m just doing it all remote, you do lose part of that. And I know that’s just like the more experiential personal side of it versus the business opportunity. But still like when the benefit and the fun of it diminish and the costs to me and my family are somewhat high and you know, at least to me, I consider them high then.

The pros and cons kind of wash out in a way, and so I decided to say no ’cause of all of that, even though I technically could do it, even though I technically was available, even though it would have a lot of benefit for my business. I’m sure I [00:09:00] said no. What did help to make it sweeter was that I also then, and I won’t talk about what it was, but there was like another ask that I said no to.

It was just like a lot of nos in quick succession. But what was fun is I got to help them find someone else and set up like a business friend who is also in this space and help her get some exposure in this way. And yes, she’s technically a direct competitor, but she’s a wonderful woman. I’ve really enjoyed talking to her and I honestly just think there’s plenty of space for all of us in this world of like the different things we do.

We bring different things to the table and while we both work with women on time management. I think there are plenty of women who would love help with time management, so there’s plenty of space for both of us. So it was really fun to help her out. And I also think that it showed that to this entity that might have me on again, it shows that I will give them value even if it’s not me being able to show up.[00:10:00] 

And so that felt really good as well. And I’m sharing all of this again ’cause I think it’s just helpful and the reasons I think it help are helpful or few points that I think the first is, I just wanted to throw out there that it’s just an example that this stuff is not always easy or intuitive. And even though I teach this stuff, I mean I was halfway to saying yes before I even caught up to what my fingers were doing.

Like my thumbs were typing out and I just wanna throw out the. That that’s okay. I think that’s normal. It’s natural, especially when there’s enthusiasm behind it and it’s something to still work on intentionally. I think sometimes we’re like, well, I don’t know. I, I get swept up in things and I say yes, and it feels almost silly, or I don’t know, fabricate, I don’t know what it feels.

There’s something off when you feel like, well, I have to like talk myself out of something or be so intentional. Is that weird? I don’t know, is that they’re not authentic or do other people have to do this? I don’t even know what it feels like, but there’s something there that [00:11:00] we feel almost silly sometimes.

Having to be so intentional in talking to ourself and having like little rules or formalities of how we go about life. And I just wanna throw out that sometimes I think we need ’em. Sometimes I. Those things especially help when the ask is something we’re really excited about. As I said, I think that often we talk about how to say no when we wanna say no or things like that.

And I think sometimes the harder things are when we really want to say yes. We all hear in a, you know, part in the French, the. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. Or that kind of thing. And sometimes when it’s a hell yes, it’s still a no, you know? And that’s I think what’s really hard. And so episode 21 is about that, of saying no to the things you wanna say yes to.

And this is just an example of that. The other takeaway that I take from this, even though it’s not new, it’s just always good to be reminded of it, is the power of that pause. It was not like in that [00:12:00] moment I was like, oh, I’m gonna say yes. And then I was like, no, I’m gonna say no. And I like typed out the, no, I don’t think I was ready for it in that moment.

I don’t think I could have done it in the moment. I didn’t really know what to think in the moment other than once, once my brain caught up to what I was doing. And I just wanna throw that out there that. If you overcommit yourself by saying yes to too much, do not expect yourself to know to say no in the moments.

I just don’t think it’s realistic. I don’t think it’s realistic for most of us, especially if we’ve been people pleasers or say yes, or we are so enthusiastic about life. We wanna say yes to everything like. Any scenario like that, it’s not realistic to go from that to being able to say no in the moment.

I think the realistic solution that we can all strive for is the pause, and I just wanna reiterate that that pause is what will give you space to really think something through, understand the impact of things beyond just the time commitment, that kind of stuff. [00:13:00] And so that’s what we should focus on.

Not necessarily. I mean, yes, indirectly the ability to say no to more over time, but more immediately, I think the skill we should all work on that I continue to work on obviously is infusing pauses into like before I make decisions. Another takeaway is really seeing the full picture of what opportunities are.

This is something I’ve gotten much better at over the years. This wasn’t hard. Once I had the pause, my brain went through all the things that would happen because if I said yes, like the ripple effects on my life, my schedule, my energy, all of it. I think I’ve gotten better at that over the years because I use the Bright Method because I visually break down what projects are and all the bite-sized steps that go into them from the tasks that go into actually completing a project, but also to, you know, when am I gonna have to shower in light of this?

Do I need to have certain clothes in [00:14:00] light of this? Am I gonna have to buy something or. Spend the time shopping or even just dry cleaning something for this, like my brain goes to all the little, little steps that come with what could look like an hour commitment. And that’s really important because if this really had been from nine to 10, I’m gonna have this thing and that is it.

I don’t know if I would’ve said yes, but it is a different beast than when it really is. Well, I’m on camera if from nine to 10, but I’m gonna prep. I’m gonna get the wifi ready. I’m gonna have to shower. I’m gonna have to get ready. I’m gonna have to get my makeup done. I’m gonna make sure the kids are all set.

I’m gonna have to prep for probably hours the day before, even if I’m not sitting at a desk. I’m thinking about it. I’m practicing answers as I walk the dog. Like there is a big impact of this. Beyond that nine to 10 window. That’s really, really important to start seeing so that you’re not surprised or you overcommit because you said yes, thinking it was one thing, when really it had a much broader scope [00:15:00] than you realized.

And so in short, just make sure when you’re considering opportunities or options that you can use your time. For, you’re considering the prep, the logistics, the recovery time, just all the ripple effects on your energy, your family, all of that. And if you need help thinking about that, I, I do really, for me, at least for my brain calendaring, the blocks of time for all of those things are really how it starts.

Almost like absorbing into my brain, I think when it’s theoretical and my brain’s like, yeah, yeah, we can squeeze that in. But when you make it visual in your calendar alongside everything else you’re already trying to do. Or even if you’re not doing it ’cause you’re on vacation, but you see the beautiful, like empty space or you know, I’d put in potential hikes and breakfast we could go to and things like that.

When you start taking away those periods of time, because you’re putting in all that prep work or the recovery time or whatever it is, you just make a more informed decision and a more informed decision [00:16:00] before you’re committing, which is so much. More beneficial than figuring it out after you’ve committed and then trying to just kind of scramble through it and white knuckle through it until you get to the other side.

A couple more thoughts are, you know, abundance versus scarcity is such a, it can be, I hear it talked about in some ways that I don’t like, it feels a little woo, but I do also think there’s something to it that if you had an amazing opportunity presented to you. You knew that opportunity would come around again or something similar in the ways that you want it to be similar, would you say?

Yes to the current offering right now, and I think that often lets us off the hook like. Instead, if we view it as like a scarcity thing, like this is the only time this is ever gonna be presented to you, then it’s hard. You know? It’s hard to say no, and I totally get that. Where I do think there’s real value in embracing kind of a more [00:17:00] abundance mindset when it comes to the opportunities that come our way.

I just think these opportunities come to us because of the hard work we’ve put out there. That has accumulated over time to position us to be given that opportunity. And sure there are once in a lifetime things. I’m not trying to be naive, but I don’t think as much is once as in a lifetime as we think it is.

Sometimes we sometimes tend to operate, like everything is, we will never get this opportunity again. And I just don’t think that’s often true. And I just wanted to throw out there, I’ve talked about this before, but sometimes when you’re. Analyzing whether to take something on, assume it would come again, and would you wanna do it now or would you prefer to do it down the road and that it’s a data point that you can use when making your decision?

Because I personally believe those opportunities do come back around eventually. Not in a like meant to be type [00:18:00] way. I just mean it more like you’ve worked hard, you’ve, you’re in a position where these are here. I think there are ways to phrase your nose, and as I did in this scenario where I was like, I.

I really want to do this. Unfortunately, I’m on vacation and I’m unable to, but please let me know. You know, and I, I gave my enthusiasm by being like, I could do these five other dates, and when that didn’t work out, it’s just like, I would love to be considered again for this going forward. If I wanna reach out down the road too, I could.

Like, I’m just trying to think. For me, time management, new Year’s is a big time where people are interested in that. Maybe in November I reach out to them and say, Hey, if you’re doing like a time management thing in the new year, I’d love to be considered for that. There are ways that I can go seek out these opportunities, create these opportunities.

But I mean it more like if you’ve p done the hard work to position yourself to be in a spot where they ask you to do that stuff. You express your enthusiasm and maybe even help them out in another way, then I do think those opportunities come back around. [00:19:00] So just throwing that out there. The other part of this is that vacations and time off and time with family, all of that really matters, and I know you know that, but I just think sometimes when, for me, the math.

But kind of like what was in my calendar was like free time or this awesome opportunity. It seemed like the awesome opportunity was really important where really when I thought through the impact it would have on my vacation, my family time, just even that morning, it just became a lot more clear to me and I can say undoubtedly that that decision was the right move for me.

Like it was just an incredible time with family checking out. Thinking about work, all that kind of stuff. That is, now that I’m sitting here back in Minnesota, I have so much more energy for things. I have so much more excitement about what I’m doing and a lot of that was ’cause I just really took some time off.

And so vacations really matter. Our time off really matters [00:20:00] and don’t sacrifice it. Unless you really, really want to, even for really cool opportunities and definitely not for not cool opportunities. The other thing here that I just wanted to throw out there is to me saying no is strength. I think often we think that say No makes you look weak or is weak and all that kind of stuff, and I don’t buy it.

I think that saying no shows that I value my time, that I protect my boundaries. It shows a lot, but more importantly, it gives me those things, forget what other people think. Like it gives me the things that are important to me. And to me that is far braver and stronger and harder in a sense than saying yes, which is arguably the easier thing to do.

Like saying yes to those things are somewhat easier, especially in the moment. And I just wanna point out that to me. Say no. When you have the clarity around what you’re saying no to [00:21:00] is also very, very powerful. All right, so here’s your nudge to really just pause. Pause before you say yes. Don’t demand that you could say no in the moment.

It’s too hard of a delta like change for most of us, but really work in that pause so that you can think through all the things that we have talked about. This applies to. Projects you’re asked to take on at work, it applies to being asked to volunteer in some capacity at your kids’ school. It could even apply to going out for that cocktail drink at work for that networking thing later that day, or just even a happy hour internally.

Those all these things can be important and valuable, and I’m not even saying you have to say no to these things, but I want all of us. To have the space to make informed decisions so that we are really like in charge of and owning where our time is going, especially when those [00:22:00] things sound really fun.

I think we need that pause to really understand what are we really committing to here? Because in this scenario, I really wanted to say yes, but that no was undoubtedly the right decision for me in this moment in my life, and I’m really happy I did it. And before we wrap this up, I just wanna say that if that time blocking element is interesting for you to help your brain really just start appreciating and absorbing the kind of like ripple effect impact of your time when you say yes to certain things.

I really encourage you to check out my free five day program. It’s just a nice way to get your brain to start using your calendar in a way that will make all of this more concrete and visual for you that it just clicks in your brain a little bit better. At least in my own experience and working with clients.

The visual nature of a lot of this theoretical stuff is really, really important to actually live it out in your life. And so if you’re interested in that, you can check out [00:23:00] my free five day program. It’s at kelly nolan.com/refresh. In addition, my 10 week program, the full program opens up this September 10th if you’re interested in that.

I just wanna really throw out there that my plan is to cap this at 50 people right when it opens, just to make sure I can support those that like kind of initial rush to do it, but know that I will reopen enrollment around October 1st. It will remain open through March, like mid-March, March 18th ish is my plan.

And so what I really am sharing here is my program’s about to open. If you would like to do it, wonderful, but also know that you have flexibility now of when you do it. So if your fall is crazy, but everything slows down in, I don’t know, early December through the holidays into January, and that’s a great time for you to do it.

Know that you can. So I just wanna throw it out there that, yes, it’s opening for enrollment, but really think about, you know, it is a big time commitment. It is [00:24:00] like four to five hours a week. I would say for the first, if you wanna keep pace, you don’t have to, but if you wanna keep pace, it’s about four to five hours a week for the first five weeks.

And then I would say it chills out a bit for the second five weeks. But again, it’s a big time commitment. And so I want you to think about that as you’re planning on when to do it is pick a time that works for you. And that’s one of the reasons that I moved into this model where people can jump in more when they’re ready for it.

And so just know that you can, if you want to. Just know that you can plan on when you wanna do it and look ahead at the calendar and kind of plan when you wanna jump in and calendar it, and then jump in then, and we’ll work together for 10 weeks. All right. If you have any questions, let me know. Welcome to email me, send me a DM on Instagram, whatever you’d like.

And most importantly, thank you for being here and I’ll catch you in the next episode.

Links you might enjoy:

• 🌿 Free 5-Day Time Management Program Get five short, practical video lessons packed with realistic strategies to help you manage your personal and professional life with more clarity and calm.
• 📱 Follow me on Instagram Get bite-sized, real-life time management tips for working women—like reminders to set mail holds before travel, anonymous day-in-the-life calendars from other professional women, and behind-the-scenes looks at how I manage my own time.
• ✨ The full Bright Method™️ program If you’re ready for a full time management system that’s realistic, sustainable, and dare I say… fun, check out the Bright Method program. It’s helped hundreds of professional women take back control of their time—and their peace of mind.